Ep 1: The Writers Discuss Their Deodorant Collection, Milks the Teat of Anti-Racism One Last Time

Season Finale: The Times They Are A-Changin' – The UNSW Times Podcast

Henry and Fahd recap the crucial plot points of 2020 and pick their favourite and least favourite parts of the year. Shoutout to Adam Wan, Alvin Zhong, Ollie Kirk and Shakib for starting the page. Also shoutout to Fahd for being the 2nd best co-host and co-producer that a podcast could hope for (after Henry Zhu). Heppy new yeer. 0:00 – Henry Zhu says Too-da-loo 2:50 – 2020 Recap 14:20 – Best and Worst Music of 2020 23:08 – Best and Worst Movies of 2020 34:30 – Best and Worst Television of 2020 45:47 – Greatest Moments of 2020 Fahd Favourite Albums – Charli XCX, The Weeknd, Yung Lean, Fiona Apple, Yves Tumor Favourite Movies – Trial of Chicago 7, Da 5 Bloods, The Invisible Man Favourite TV – The Last Dance, Queens Gambit, Cobra Kai (Netflix), Ted Lasso, Dark Side of the Ring, I may Destroy you Henry Favourite Album – Rina, Charli, RTJ4, Avalanches, IDLES, Gorillaz Favourite Movie (top 3) – Mank, I’m Thinking of Ending Things, Borat 2 Favourite TV – Mandalorian, Schitts Creek, Louis CK, The Last Dance, Midnight Gospel, Bojack, Better Call Saul If you want to follow Henry's future projects, follow him at

1. Season Finale: The Times They Are A-Changin' 50:46
2. Episode 6: US Election "Special" 15:25
3. Episode 5: We're Not Shore on The Meaning of Life 29:35
4. Episode 4: The UNSW Times Gets in Trouble 24:04
5. Episode 3: Watching Sex Scenes with Strict Asian Parents 32:31

Editorial: Fuck Racists

The University of New South Wales had moved online for over three months, and so little has happened that the biggest news this month would be the fact that there’s a fox on campus.

However, 2020 had to be different, because of course it did. 2020 was the year of the Karen. 2020 is every loud exclamation mark to cap off a negative TripAdvisor review written in all caps because the restaurant’s table water tasted too neutral. This month’s Karen was a Kensington candidate by the name of Claudia McDonnell, who, much like Chris D’Elia, forgot about this obscure thing called “the ability to screenshot everything you’ve ever said on the internet”.

Apparently she doesn’t know how time works either, as she made an apology for her actions did “as a child” even though her posts dated as far back as last month. So either she grew up a LOT since May 2020, or she’s admitted that the elections were such a joke that even her, a child, could run a campaign.

Well done to the UNSW cohort for bringing this to light, because these views would not have come to surface without your participatory journalism, or, as the mature age students like to call it, cancel culture.

UNSW was too busy to vet the candidates as they were busy trying to make the student surveys look positive. But was anyone really expecting them to be proactive after responding to its first case students getting COVID-19 by sending a campus wide e-mail saying that the student was not contagious?

Pictured above: Evidence that the Australian Government has not invested enough in the science industry. Source: https://twitter.com/unsw/status/1239122351918178311?lang=en

Naturally, the year of the Karen also saw its ambassadors come out in droves, saying things that were so controversial, yet so brave.

Pictured: Either the greatest troll in existence or proof that we live in a simulation.

Well, if there’s one thing that we’ve learnt from June 2020, it’s that mocking someone for having discriminatory viewpoints is the worst kind of discrimination. That’s why All Lives Matter, right?

Ian Jacobs Grows Mustache, Buys Top Hat to Audition for Mr. Potato Head in ‘Toy Story 5’

UNSW Vice-Chancellor Ian Jacobs has announced that he will grow a mustache and buy a top hat to audition for Mr. Potato Head in Toy Story and make some money to save the cash strapped university.

“We’re facing some tough times ahead, but if we’re going to pull through this we will need to work hard, and that hard work starts from the top,” said Mr. Jacobs as he spent the last of his personal savings on the one top hat from Wish.com that complemented his jawline.

“With all the international students leaving the country, the university has lost 99% of its revenue stream, and we cannot sustain this organization on the 1% we get from those amenities that nobody pays on time for.”

At the time of reporting, Vice-Chancellor Jacobs was seen tearfully leaving the Disney headquarters after discovering that Peter Dutton got the part, and was seen buying a cane to audition for the Monopoly man in the upcoming board game’s live action film adaptation.

‘The Invisible Man’ Reportedly Not About Engineering Student At House Party

Philosophy Major Has Existential Crisis After Realising Pointlessness of Their Degree

Philosophy major Jorge Popadoulous is battling an existential crisis after coming to the realisation that his degree is completely and utterly pointless.

“It all started in the near-empty lecture hall,” Popadoulous told the UNSW Times. “My lecturer was droning on about some Greek ship or whatever, and all I could think was ‘What’s the point of all this? Why am I wasting my time with this?’”

“All I’ve gained from this course so far is a sense of paranoia that we’re all just brains in a jar hallucinating every aspect of our daily lives. But then again, we can’t really prove that’s not the case so who cares?”

Representatives of the Philosophy department have responded to Mr. Popadoulous’ claims, saying that the degree teaches valuable inductive reasoning skills, but Mr Popadoulous is not convinced.

“All I’ve been able to inductively reason so far is that Philosophy sucks balls.”

Although Mr Popadoulous would like to switch to a more useful degree, his below 60 WAM currently prohibits him from doing so.

“Someday I’ll get a good WAM and change to a degree that offers value to society. Like Communications, for example. That’s valuable, right?”

Rights to Coronavirus purchased by Disney after huge Chinese domestic hit

Coronavirus, the sequel to SARS, saw a record-breaking number of attendees following its domestic release in China. As airings continue to spread across the country, Disney, the  global media titan, has reportedly purchased international rights to the virus.

In a press release today Tim Tittleton, Disney executive PR manager expressed the following.

“Here at Disney we are committed to spreading popular media around the world, and China serves as a good indicator that Coronavirus will be an international success.

Our new acquisitions team advises us we needed to branch into viral media and easily-sharable content in order to stay relevant with today’s highly-mobile, densely-packed youth. We think Coronavirus will prove popular with those who need a distraction while in today’s over-packed trains, crowded hospitals and busy airports.”

When asked for Disney’s plans for Coronavirus, Mr. Tittleton stated that Disney intends to show limited screenings aboard cruise ships around the world before launching globally after a 14 day period.

 As part of negotiations, Coronavirus agreed to condemn Hong Kong’s use of masks.

Boyfriend Fancies it Up for V-Day With Button Down Shirt to Match Girlfriend’s $300 Dress

Local boyfriend Fahd Ragipani has splurged on a $40 button down to match his girlfriend’s $300 outfit on Valentines Day.

“I mean, I spent $40 on this fit. If this doesn’t wow her I don’t know what will” says Fahd, who struggled to pick between two Targét shirts earlier today.

“I spent a couple hundred on this dress to look real cute for Valentine’s. At least he got me flowers from his backyard so definitely worth it ” says Emily.

While Fahd is currently unemployed, he made the romantic gesture to split the bill for dinner and Beem her once his Newstart comes in next week.

Scott Morrison’s Thoughts And Prayers Finally Brings Golden Age Back to Australia

Scott Morrison’s unrelenting thoughts and prayers policy has finally brought Australia back to the golden age that he promised his electorate after his 2019 re-election.

“It’s happened,” said a delighted Scott Morrison at a press conference.

“For far too long we have strayed further and further from God, and we’ve helped shape an Australia that looks like it’s about to receive the second coming of Christ.”

Inspired by America’s gun control policy, the Australian government has spent the past five years by denying that climate change is an issue due to willful ignorance and/or the shit ton of money they receive from coal lobbyists.

And look at how well everything’s paying off.

“We couldn’t literally take Australia back to the 1950’s, but at least we now look like a photo taken in the 1950’s,” said minister for environment Sussan Ley.

“The best part is that even if future generations want to reverse what we’ve done, it’s probably too late and the age of Australia will only get more and more golden with each passing summer.”

Juul Introduces Extra Strong “Sydney Air Pollution” Pods

Vaping company Juul has introduced an extra strong “Sydney Air Pollution” flavor for its extreme users.

“We’re proud to announce our first geographically inspired product to really help users experience what it’s like to breathe in air from different parts of the world,” said Juul CEO K.C. Crosthwaite.

“We don’t recommend children under 18 and adults over 18 use it, unless they’re like ‘fuck it, the world’s ending anyway might as well Juul myself to death.'”

The World Health Organization has warned users not to buy the product, and look for healthier alternatives such as cigarettes or methamphetamine.

Juul has responded by saying that while the WHO is correct, for Sydney users vaping from the Air Pollution Pods would still be a healthier option than going outside.

UNSW Exam Monitors Revived from Cryogenic Chambers for Finals Period

UNSW staff have been hard at work preparing the halls of Randwick Racecourse for another exercise in student misery.

‘We’ve been freezing and reviving them since the 1950s,’ says UNSW Cryogeneticist Vaughn Colled.

‘They’re the best at what they do- it’s why we’ve kept them on for so long.’

Although the cryogenic freezing process is fairly expensive, Dr Colled says that the University has no plans to introduce fresh blood into the exam monitor ranks.

‘We tried to do that in the summer term of ’93, but it didn’t work. Their shoes didn’t squeak loudly enough, they were too polite, and they just overall didn’t annoy the students as much as we wanted them to.’

‘It may not be a particularly humane way of doing things, but hey- if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.’

Our reporters reached out to one of the recently revived exam monitors,but they declined to comment and demanded to see our student ID cards.